Here are – in a very generalized way – some signs indicating that you could be dealing with a manipulator...remember people these are all universal techniques!
They Don't Respect Your 'NO!'
Many manipulators just won’t accept a 'no'. They’ll still try to convince you, win you over, intimidate or seduce you into doing it. This can be done in a very charming way, in an authoritarian way, in a teary way, in a cool way, or whatever other way. The fact remains that they are in truth... by not respecting your 'no'.This should make your alarm bells ring (Ding-Dong!). Always pay attention when someone refuses to hear no. Big red flag.
They Don't Respect Your Will
Same as with a no but applicable to all kinds of other decisions as well. If someone does not accept your decisions, perk up your ears. Smelly orc in sight. Unless of course you suck and they are trying to help!
They Don't Respect Your Personal Space
This can happen on different levels: on the physical level... (they come too close or they systematically imitate your posture), on the intellectual level... (they either try to make you change your mind in a pushy way or adopt your every opinion as theirs), on the emotional level... (they stick to you or always imitate your feelings), etc. This is no proof for manipulation but in my experience, people who disrespect other people’s personal boundaries also often tend to use manipulation to get what they want. But keep in mind that this point is only applicable to amateur manipulators! Experts know exactly what to do without making you feel uncomfortable.
They Make You Feel Uncomfortable
Manipulative people often make us feel uncomfortable “for no reason”. Might seem irrational to you, but trust your intuition. Your gut knows. Your work is to listen to these feelings instead of discarding them if they’re not rational. Again...this is only applicable to amateurs!
They Are Never Straightforward
While trying to manipulate you, of course manipulative people aren’t being straightforward! That’s how manipulation works. But in my experience they also tend not to be very straightforward people in a more general way. For example, when they express themselves, this could happen in an indirect way, like saying “It’s getting late” instead of “Time for you to go”. There’s nothing bad with being polite and subtle – just pay attention and check out if that’s a recurrent pattern in this person’s general communication style.
Do they make indirect suggestions instead of clearly asking for what they want? (”This box is so heavy!” instead of “Would you please help me carry this box?”) Do they state their opinions in a direct way, or using allusions and hints? (”Do you want to come shopping clothes with me some day?” instead of “Your clothes look lame.”) Do they express their feelings openly, or do they give you cryptic cues and expect you to get it? When you ask how they are, do they say “I’m okay” but look like they’re attending a funeral, or do they say “I’m sad”?
All this in itself is no manipulation of course. It’s just a sign that this person could be prone to using an over-average amount of manipulation in their communication.
*Expert manipulators can be a very straightforward person too...that's why in my opinion, manipulators = bullies.
We’ll talk about how to defend yourself when confronted to manipulators in one of my next posts =)
Courtesy of Ariff
©Naughty Productions 2009
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