The Power of Deduction : Observation Pt 2

While we strive to be as objective as possible, the way a thing appears is always affected by the position from which we view it (experience can be very useful at this point). To alleviate this flaw, we must try and observe situations and problems from as many different angles as possible. So, if you have a theory about a situation, I suggest you make a few more theories and then...choose the best one...follow your intuition because its usually correct!

True observation can only occur through a certain amount of self-annihilation! In other words, “you” have to shut up! You need to get yourself completely out of the way so that you can perceive clearly. So get quiet. Get still. Look and see what is there. Then move. Take up another position. Look again and again. Remember...there's always something to observe! I would say that I'm a careful person, I double check everything that I theorize about someone twice before I make my conclusion. As you progress, all this processes will take no more than 30 to 60 seconds!

By observing, "YOU" are learning! When you see with fresh eyes, unclouded by what you think you know, your powers of observation become like that of a wild animal. You are far more alert. Your vision is sharper. There is no interference. The “walk-around” trance of listening to the incessant prattle (endless babbling) of your mind is at once burst like a bubble. Think of it like as if your subconcious mind is trying to communicate with you. If you are able to "talk" to your mind you will be very much stronger...try it!

End of Observation...Have Fun!!

©Naughty Productions 2010

The Power of Deduction : Observation Pt 1

"Holmes, you see everything." Watson said.
"I see no more than you, but I have trained myself to notice what I see." Sherlock Holmes


Observation





Whenever you are faced with any new situation or problem, you must first observe it. Observation requires patience of course as well as detachment. Think of one of those beautiful, intense glares from Sherlock Holmes as he pans a room taking in every detail (especially the tiniest little detail). If you are emotionally involved your observation you will be clouded by your emotional being.




You must become as detached as possible. Just allow what is there to present itself to you. Open up your senses. Really listen, let the sounds impact upon you. Notice the smells. And look with the eyes of a hawk. Sharp. Precise. Missing nothing. Be alert to every movement, every clue, anything that is out of the ordinary.



"...go everywhere, see everything, overhear everyone.".

If you are emotionally reacting to a problem, you have already prejudged the problem. You have narrowed your mind by defining the problem as “bad”. Pretend you know nothing at this point. You do not know whether the problem is good or bad. For every problem carries its own story and and awaits its observer to interpret it. Simply observe…simple! For example if you are trying to understand someone...whether you knew them or not, I suggest you do not judge them base on facial value as it will definitely make you bias towards them.



"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." - Sherlock Holmes

End of part 1 :p

©Naughty Productions 2010

How To Spot Potential Manipulators?

Here are – in a very generalized way – some signs indicating that you could be dealing with a manipulator...remember people these are all universal techniques!

They Don't Respect Your 'NO!'

Many manipulators just won’t accept a 'no'. They’ll still try to convince you, win you over, intimidate or seduce you into doing it. This can be done in a very charming way, in an authoritarian way, in a teary way, in a cool way, or whatever other way. The fact remains that they are in truth... by not respecting your 'no'.This should make your alarm bells ring (Ding-Dong!). Always pay attention when someone refuses to hear no. Big red flag.

They Don't Respect Your Will

Same as with a no but applicable to all kinds of other decisions as well. If someone does not accept your decisions, perk up your ears. Smelly orc in sight. Unless of course you suck and they are trying to help!

They Don't Respect Your Personal Space

This can happen on different levels: on the physical level... (they come too close or they systematically imitate your posture), on the intellectual level... (they either try to make you change your mind in a pushy way or adopt your every opinion as theirs), on the emotional level... (they stick to you or always imitate your feelings), etc. This is no proof for manipulation but in my experience, people who disrespect other people’s personal boundaries also often tend to use manipulation to get what they want. But keep in mind that this point is only applicable to amateur manipulators! Experts know exactly what to do without making you feel uncomfortable.

They Make You Feel Uncomfortable

Manipulative people often make us feel uncomfortable “for no reason”. Might seem irrational to you, but trust your intuition. Your gut knows. Your work is to listen to these feelings instead of discarding them if they’re not rational. Again...this is only applicable to amateurs!

They Are Never Straightforward

While trying to manipulate you, of course manipulative people aren’t being straightforward! That’s how manipulation works. But in my experience they also tend not to be very straightforward people in a more general way. For example, when they express themselves, this could happen in an indirect way, like saying “It’s getting late” instead of “Time for you to go”. There’s nothing bad with being polite and subtle – just pay attention and check out if that’s a recurrent pattern in this person’s general communication style.

Do they make indirect suggestions instead of clearly asking for what they want? (”This box is so heavy!” instead of “Would you please help me carry this box?”) Do they state their opinions in a direct way, or using allusions and hints? (”Do you want to come shopping clothes with me some day?” instead of “Your clothes look lame.”) Do they express their feelings openly, or do they give you cryptic cues and expect you to get it? When you ask how they are, do they say “I’m okay” but look like they’re attending a funeral, or do they say “I’m sad”?

All this in itself is no manipulation of course. It’s just a sign that this person could be prone to using an over-average amount of manipulation in their communication.

*Expert manipulators can be a very straightforward person too...that's why in my opinion, manipulators = bullies.

We’ll talk about how to defend yourself when confronted to manipulators in one of my next posts =)

Courtesy of Ariff

©Naughty Productions 2009

Manipulation, Manipulators and The Manipulated (Intro)

Manipulation is crown jewel of communication techniques. What manipulators have in common is that they have a hidden agenda that they pursue without clearly saying it. Many people use manipulation to get what they want. Nevertheless, it can be very difficult to defend oneself against it, or even to recognize it. Its like checkmate in chess terms.

So chances are good that you do have contact with manipulators (or are one yourself) since there are many of them around us. Using it for good or bad, that's their problem.

What is Manipulation?

Manipulation can take many forms: emotional blackmail (making you feel bad in case you don’t do what is expected from you), flattering you or telling your things in order to make you do something specific, testing you, etc. In all cases, manipulators try to gain control over your feelings and/or behavior by playing in some way on your weaknesses.

The goal for them is to get what they want. When they are successful, you end up doing what they want, even if it is something you would not have chosen to do out of your free will.

For example, if you feel particularly proud and valuable when you are needed, someone knowing this can deliberately play victim in order to make you help them. If you secretly think that you are lazy and feel bad about that, and someone suggests that you’d be a lazy bum if you don’t help them move on Saturday, chances are good that you will spend your Saturday carrying transport boxes.

Manipulators do or say certain things in order to influence your feelings in such a way that you react the way they want you to react. The manipulator usually says things in an indirect and subtle way. The underlying, unspoken message, which is what they’re really telling you, is expressed between the lines, not in a clear and direct way. Manipulators don’t say what they want openly. They insinuate, suggest and hint. Many manipulators are mentalist as they are master manipulators of thoughts and behaviour.

They may look, sound or do stupid things, but everything is done to reel in the big fish-which will be you or someone else.

How Does It Work?

The Candy Method : This method flatters your ego and promises to fulfill your desires. The underlying, unspoken message is “If you do X, you’ll be great/cool/a good person/the result will be to your advantage/, etc.” So, since you want to be great, cool, a great person and all that, you do it, without even noticing that the decision wasn’t entirely yours. Ideally, the promised “reward” is something important to you. That you will get this reward isn’t said clearly though, it’s just suggested. Just enough for you to understand it. (I'm still wondering what's with the equations)

*Sorry guys and gals but unfortunately I cannot tell you more about the procedure as it is extremely dangerous if fallen into the wrong hands. But I can tell you that its called 'The Spiderweb Effect'. Maybe I should think of a way to write in a 'non-danger' manner.

How Do They Do It?**

As I said, the real message is not expressed directly. It can be camouflaged as the expression of an objective truth, a personal feeling, or a simple question. Let’s say for example that your boss wants you to work overtime, and you refuse. Manipulative answers could be :

1. “But how are we going to do without you?” (Real message: “You are letting us down, and the project might fail because of you”),
2. “I thought I could count on you” (Real message: “I am disappointed with you. You’re not a good employee.”)
3. “I understand… Go and have fun, we’ll manage somehow! (with a sad or strained look)” (Real message: “You are an egoist.”)

*On general terms..this will make you feel guilty or shameful which makes you change your mind. Unless of course you are Heartless.

Courtesy of Ariff
©Naughty Productions 2009

** Adapted from The Definitive Book of Body Language

How Men Flirt

Ok...it seems I received some complaints that its hard to understand how men flirt. (Clairy.. if you still don't understand after this...I'll show you how my self ok). Ok how does a man flirt? How would you know if he's interested? I’m sure many women out there have spent many a sleepless night over men. There are probably many other women who would love to know the answer to the questions. If there was a course on male flirting, I’m sure there would be long wait lists of women waiting to register! Lucky for you that I'm a generous guy so to say because I'm giving 'it' to you for free.

Learning to interpret a male’s subconscious body gestures can help you determine whether you’ll be getting a second date.

Male body language will also let you know when he’s not the one. If a man doesn’t display any of the following signs, you're better off moving on to the next eligible bachelor.

He'll Attempt To Improve His Appearance When Attracted.

Just like in the animal kingdom, males tend to 'preen' when they’re interested in a female. They pay extra attention to their grooming and personal appearance. (well most of them anyway except nerds, geeks and their kind)

When a man spots an interesting female, he may automatically adjust his tie, smooth his collar or brush his shoulder and also pump himself up to look more 'manly' just like a puffer fish pumping up to attract females.

Other common signs of preening involve fixing his hair or rearranging his shirt, cuff links, and clothing. He may check his teeth or automatically touch his throat.

He wants to look as good as he can before he approaches you. Therefore ladies, you should take any of the above as a very positive sign!

Signs of Dominance!

I'm positively sure you've heard the term 'Alpha Male' before. It means a man who is a strong and smart leader.

An 'Alpha Male' always dominates the rest of the pack and gains priority in mating with females (In the animalia kingdom of course!). Men do the very same thing especially in front of you!

A flirting male may place his hands on his hips to subconsciously make himself appear bigger. This gesture says “Notice me. I’m the leader and I’m ready to get involved!”...but beware this may also be a sign of hostility...so before you make a move, please look at the context of the situation that he is in. Whether he's fighting, thinking or maybe frustrated with his exam papers.

His Eye Movement Will Tell You Everything!

Eye contact is very important when you are studying how men flirt. Men who are interested will usually hold their gaze for a little longer than usual. Like looking at you in the eyes for a period of time.

Men may also perform what is called the “triangular formulation” with their eyes. This involves looking eye to eye, then down to a woman’s mouth and chin, down to the rest of her body and back up to her eyes again. It is easy for a woman to notice this since men has a smaller peripheral vision...and therefore easy to see where his eyes are looking at!

Touching...Very Naughty!!

There is important point to notice when you watch how men flirt. When a man is interested in a woman, he will often find an excuse to touch her. He may put a hand on her shoulder or knee, tickle her playfully or pat her on the back. Some men may even feel a woman’s blouse, jacket or shoulder. This will let them have some gratification! but a pat can also mean pals right? So...wait until he does it frequently with more frequency..only then you should make a judgement.

He may come up with a ridiculous excuse such as “your blouse looked so soft I just had to feel it” or " OMG!! there's an ant on your back...don't move!"

He may even “accidentally” bump into you while casually passing by. Ladies, you know better! Take this as a very positive sign that things are going well. This is his way of showing you he is attracted to you or maybe he's just a pervert trying to 'feel' you!

Men, just make sure not to grope her or get too 'NAUGHTY' in the early stages. This may lead to a drink poured over your head and your arse being whooped....by me since you are being such an arse!

What His Hands and Feet will Tell You!

If he does, what do you think it means? That’s him trying to keep his pants from falling down? Hopefully not! This gesture is a very important sign that he’s interested in you! This is a subconscious way for a man to attract members of the opposite sex by framing that particular part of his body. No ladies, we are not referring to his wallet lol! It is focusing at his 'Ding-Dong'.

When a man flirts, he will also turn his entire body towards the woman. If his legs and feet remain pointed toward you, take this as a sign he is interested.

Ladies, if you are wondering whether the cute guy you are talking with is actually interested, take another look at how he is sitting. If his body or feet are turned away from you, you might want to look elsewhere for Prince Charming!

Men will tell you all you need to know with their body language and non-verbal gestures (not verbally of course!).

Watch for the following 'flirting' gestures :

1. He focuses on improving his appearance
2. He practices signs of dominance and acts like an 'alpha male'
3. He maintains direct eye contact
4. He touches you directly or 'accidentally' (yeah right!)
5. He hooks his thumbs into his belt loops
6. His body and feet are turned towards you (look at their feet in the pic below)
   

   

Using Body Language to Deal with Difficult People

We all encounter people at some point who are just plain difficult (if you know me well enough...you'll understand). For whatever reason even seemingly for no reason at all...these difficult people come along and we have to find a way to deal with them. Body language that I have posted in this blog can be a very useful tool in this situation, both in terms of sending and receiving non-verbal cues. It can also help you diffuse difficult situations and perhaps even improve those difficult relationships over time.

What Is 'Difficult People'

It’s not possible to come up with a single definition of what makes a person 'difficult' because of the dynamic nature of human interactions. What comes across as difficult to you might come across as something entirely different to another person. It’s really all about perception and interpretation of the interaction between two or even more monkeyz , including the 'details' of a person (what they drink or what kind of woman/man they like...) body language and non-verbal messages.

In general, the people you will find most difficult are those whose attitudes, actions, non-verbal behaviours are in conflict with your own attitudes, actions, and non-verbal behaviours. This does not necessarily mean they are opposite, but may mean there are simply differences in delivery, intent, or life experience.

Let’s look at four common descriptions of people whom you might find difficult in some way:

• Those who are Dominant
• Those who are Submissive
• Those who are Angry
• Those who are confused and indecisive

Body language which I have posted can be a powerful tool when it comes time to interact with these kind of people.(If you forgot...I suggest you refresh your memory...)

Body Language When Interacting With Difficult People

Those who are dominant – Avoid body language that is directly confrontational, such as facing off against each other, extended eye contact, abrupt or aggressive gestures, or crossing personal boundaries of space (be very cautious when confronting someone from the farm!). These are only likely to make the other person feel challenged and lead to more behaviour that is dominant. This does not mean you should become submissive and give in to the dominance; rather, it means you should assert your own position in a way that is calm, rational, and confident.

Those who are submissive – Avoid body language that is overtly dominant, such as crossing into their personal space, standing over them, or otherwise taking a body position that puts them in an inferior position. A better approach is to remain assertive but not overpowering, using a neutral facial expression and open body position to encourage the other person to participate more fully. If, however, the other person is using submissive behaviour in a way that’s deliberately manipulative, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of ‘rescuing’ him or her. Maintain your sense of calm and keep your non-verbal cues neutral.

Those who are angry – Avoid body language that might aggravate the other person, such as pointing, clenching your jaw or fists, shaking your head, or the like. Most of the time the best approach is to let the person express the initial burst of anger, keeping a neutral facial expression and body position. After the initial burst, paraphrase the information you heard and work through the issue, all the while maintaining a calm and confident position. However, if at any point you feel threatened or that you might be in personal danger, you should always take immediate and appropriate action to protect yourself and maintain your personal safety.

Those who are confused or indecisive – Avoid body language that appears impatient or pushy, such as extended eye contact, leaning in close, gestures that indicate frustration, and the like. These kinds of non-verbal cues are likely to create even more confusion or indecisiveness in the other person. If you truly need to conclude the interaction, try using an open body position and hand gestures to present two or three distinct choices and then ask for a decision. However, if you find yourself in a situation where the person’s confusion or indecision presents a safety risk or other potential danger to you or anyone else, take decisive action to prevent injury or harm.

Courtesy of Ariff

© Naughty Productions

Body Language : Tips for Reading 'Her'

In response to the previous post, I've accumulated 7 ways to read a female's body language...So guys if you have been reading my posts, this will be your favourite for sure.

Want to know what she is really thinking and feeling? How to read her body language gestures to get it right? Understanding her body language has never been made easier although it may trigger 'The Naughty Alarm' but its for your own advantage.

1: Her chest : When indulging in foreplay, a pinkish flush will colour the skin of her chest (if its exposed of course...don't go and do somrthing stupid!), this is known as a “sex flush”. This occurs as a result of changes in her blood pressure and circulation, as well as her respiration and pulse rates. This is her subtle way of telling you that you could get lucky (as in 'getting' her) if you keep on with what you are doing. Another positive sign that you are doing it right is when her breasts start to enlarge. Women’s breasts will increase by as much as 25% when they are sexually aroused...so if you are hyper-observant, you can see this. But try not to get caught!

2: Her pupils : A woman’s pupils will dilate when she is stimulated by you. Subconsciously, her body is made to want to see more of whatever is pleasing her visually. To do this, her irises have to let in more light. At this point she is also starting to look hotter to you as well, as research has shown that guys are more attracted to girls with larger pupils. A win-win situation!

3: Her eyelashes. Look her in the eyes for a minute. She should be blinking about 15 times per minute. Research has shown that the you look in her eyes, the more likely you'll get a second or third date!

4: Her fingernails : Body-focused repetitive behaviours such as nail biting and cuticle picking are strong signs of anxiety or depression in women but not as much as men. Try not to nag her to stop; this can just make it worse. Try taking her hand, gently squeeze or massage it, and then keep holding it. You should be able to feel the tension leave her hand.

5: The Hair Flick : When a woman starts playing with her hair she is sending strong sexual body language signals that she is available. Stroking her hair is a good sign, but the best of the lot is the hair flick. This is said to be the surest signal that she is sexually attracted to you.

6: Her Neck: Stroking her neck or playing with her necklace are also very strong flirting body language signs, By doing these things she is drawing attention to her breasts. Throats and necks are lover’s only zones, and if she is also arching her neck the signal is even stronger.

7: Her Mouth: When a woman starts to think sexual thoughts, she touches her mouth. Licking her lips, sucking on the straw or spoon suggestively, and sticking things in her mouth are all indicators that she could be up for it. Eating, drinking, and smoking faster are also great body language gestures indicative of erotic thoughts.

Girls...if you are reading this, please don't think that you can control it...because you can't. Neither the boys!

Adapted and modified from The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Written by your buddy Ariff with appreciation to Allan and Barbara Pease.

©Naughty Productions