Counselling Skills That You Should Have!

A counselllor's job is to help their clients/friends/family to help themselves. To counsel someone...we need them to open up to us right? To make them feel safe enough to be open about their thoughts and feelings...they must be in an environment(which you should create!) where they feel safe, respected and understood. These are the list of skills you should have:



The Counsellor must_____ so that the patient can_____!

1. Listen ; develop his/her thinking
2. Not judge ; feel safe and respected
3. Pay attention ; know you care
4. Accept their feelings ; know that they are not being judged
5. Understand the client(put yourself in their shoes) ; know that you are with them no matter what
6. Think about the client ; get the best assistance you can give

The Counsellor may_____ so the patient can_____!

1. Ask questions ; develop their thinking deeper
2. Summarize ; hear their own thoughts and feelings being understood
   
3. Ask the patient to change their behaviour ; release blocked emotions or whatever...

Counsellors should not_____ this will make the patient_____!

1. Argue ; be in the defense mode
   
2. Talk about their own problems ; think that they are wasting their time
   
3. Should not solve the problems for them (unless necessary!) ; overly dependant
4. Give advice ; dependant or hostility (depends on how they interpret the advice)
   
5. Belittle the patients' concern ; withdrawal for the shy and possible attack by the aggresive
   
6. Avoid painful areas (blast them away...hahaha) ; be frustrated because their stressor is not being talked about

©Naughty Productions 2010

Identifying Yourself...

How to understand myself or yourself? Those not always easy questions to answer. So today I’d like to share 2 tips that have helped me to get to know myself a bit better and to see my life more accurately.

1. What do you see in people.

What we see in others is quite often what we see in ourselves. And what irritates us in people may be what we don’t like in ourselves. What you judge in someone you are actually judging in yourself. Like for example my subject 042 Michelle, an ex-classmate of mine wears a watch of white colour...therefore I assumed that her favourite colour is white. Because I like red and I'm wearing a red watch...therefore I suppose its the same...which it is!!

Therefore what you notice and what irritates you in others can teach you important things about yourself. Things you may not be aware of. In a way people can be like a mirror for you. A mirror that can help you to learn more about yourself, what you fear and how you may be fooling yourself.

So, what people generally irritate you? What do you often judge or criticize people for?

What can that tell you about you?

2. Be Weird~


Being weird doesn't mean being like a pleb!...got it? good XD.

When faced with a choice in your daily life, step back for a minute and think. Then take the option that is and feels unusual for you. Remember to never never never panic...there's always a plan B is you think without panicking!

If you often back down just don’t for this one time. If you often get into arguments with people then just this one time don’t and instead just let it go or treat the other person with kindness. Do the opposite of what you usually do and see what happens (while using common sense of course). Do something new and something you wouldn’t expect from yourself.

This is a fun and great way to get new experiences and to learn things about the world and about yourself that you wouldn’t if you kept going like you usually do. It’s also a great way to be surprised about life as things often turn out more positively than in your fear filled daydreams if you just take action.

Getting stuck in the same old routine until it becomes a rut can suck the life out of you. Doing the unusual thing in small and big situations, no matter how it goes, is a great way to feel alive again and to reveal aspects of yourself that may have been hidden from you.

Trust me...even people think I'm weird but I'm not gonna lie to ya...I LOVE IT...think of Weird as Unique! try it :p


©Naughty Productions 2010

Profiling...Nah...Boooriiiing~

This Pic Is For Disturbing Purpose Only...No Offense~ :p

Profiling in my opinion would be almost the same technique as cold reading...So why should we bother ourselves to figure out another person...its a waste of time right?? If this is what you think...then its crap!...take it out of your minds immediately :p So by profiling the people around you...especially around your friends or colleagues or whatever...you will be able to :-

1. You will generally have less conflicts...This will happen because you will start to understand better THEIR view of the world. (People don't see how you perceive the world ya know)
2. By being able to tell who is the person sitting at the other end of the table, you will automatically become a very powerful communicator. It's like you are being an information counter...this is where Knowledge Becomes Power!
   
3. At some point you will start to develop a certain empathy that stops the human instinct of avoiding anyone that doesn't look or behave exactly like me and you. (In other words if you are able to "read/profile" someone...you can blend in easily with anyone, anywhere)
   
4. The most important thing: By profiling someone...You will be able to manipulate people much better than before. (Seriously try it!)

©Naughty Productions 2010

Are Manipulators Evil? Pt.1-Conscious

There's two type of manipulation (the ones I can think of anyway~), conscious or unconscious, is not evil. Conscious manipulation is a choice! Unconscious manipulation is a habit rooted in fear.


Conscious Manipulation

Some people consciously choose to manipulate others in order to get what they want. Commercials for example manipulate us. “You will be such a cool guy and all chicks will dig you if you wear those pants”, etc. They call it “to create a need”. And then we gladly buy the product that will fulfill the need we wouldn’t have had if they hadn’t "brainwashed" us in the first place.

*Actually I find observing commercials fascinating...especially when someone is dumb enough to think that everything they say is 100% true...in my opinion I'd say they're mentally screwed! XD*

Many other people also use manipulation in a deliberate and conscious way to reach their goals...I normally use it to obtain information about the people in my surroundings...in a way its kinda fun....hahahaha naughty me~

These are choices I would not make(unless necessary~)--->using sneaky tactics to play on someone’s weaknesses in order to control their feelings and behavior with professional tricks.

That being said, in my opinion manipulation isn’t evil. All choices we made are valid to our own perspective or context. The word “evil” doesn’t make any sense in my world of manipulation. The good and evil, is only a choice made by the manipulator...

End of Part 1........................

Psychological Manipulation : Requirements

Psychological manipulation or Mental Breach (my way of calling it) has 3 known proviso stated by psychologist Simon et al :

1. A manipulator must conceal their aggressive intentions and behaviours.
2. A manipulator must be an expert in knowing the psychological vulnerability of their marks in order to determine the best tactics to be most effective against their "Victims".
3. Manipulators must have a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim "if necessary".
   

A manipulator (the good ones anyway~) in my own words, is the perfect predator of mankind-they will use your "weaknesses" to their own advantage with ruthless precision!


*P.S From no.3---> Try not be a cold hearted moron!...because if you are, then go and see a psychiatrist because YOU ARE A PSYCHOPATH!



©Naughty Productions 2010

What Is Reverse Psychology

Reverse Psychology

Is the act of motivating someone to do something by telling him to do the exact opposite of it according to Wiki...For example you tell your friend “I bet you can’t arrive before 6”... this might motivate him to do the opposite to prove you wrong since most of us just loooove to prove that the other person's wrong...wouldn't you agree :)

Reverse psychology normally preys on a person's ego, as when it is used, it can make the 'subject' feel incompetent. Thus, effectively persuading the person to perform the desired action. "Feed the ego" with the negative of what you actually want...like the above statement!

So...in order for reverse psychology to be perfectly executed...you must make that person think that you believe in what you are saying and that you are not just saying it to motivate him/her.

Now...if you've watched cartoon in your life (not that I'm saying you never did!)...you may see that its full of reverse psychology. For example :

• A large, red button with the sign "Do Not Push"...and then they'll push it or,

• "Do not jump in!" or "You will die!"...although jumping in is the only way to win...lol
  

or from The Simpsons:

Homer's Brain: Don't you get it? You've gotta use reverse psychology.

Homer: That sounds too complicated.

Homer's Brain: OK, don't use reverse psychology.

Homer: All right, I will!

©Naughty Productions 2010

The Power of Deduction : Analysis

Think of a jigsaw puzzle. When you have all the pieces, and they are all the right way up, you can then start to analyse where they go and how they fit together. The more pieces you have the easier it will be to infer what the big picture will be. So the more angles you have observed a problem from, and the more facts you have gathered about it, the more likely you are to be able to see the final solution. Tp put it into human perspective, the more details you can find on/about someone, the more you will know about the person!!

You take the pieces of info about that person and you begin to think about how they fit together, how they relate to one another, how one links to the other and what affect that has on the overall picture. The most important thing you need to know is that everything is connected!

“Each fact is suggestive in itself. Together they have a cumulative force.” - From someone but I've forgotten who hihi...

Example:-

Situation
Perhaps you run a ladies department store and through market research you learn that women who visited your store have a poor impression of the store... You can’t understand it, as you are pleased with your customer service. So seeking to improve your store’s image profile and build business, you observe everything and everyone in your store trying to find the flaw so you could fix it. So, you gather all the facts. Then you analyse it.

The Problem (continue from above)
You realise that beggars and hawkers are targeting people outside the store. What’s more, the street at the side of your building is strewn with rubbish. Prashant the doorman, who you always thought was polite, turns out to be Mr Horny and regularly hits on or makes suggestive,unwelcome comments to female customers.

The Solution
So these pieces of the jigsaw a.k.a the problems above are affecting the overall picture. And the solution is to change and eliminate the pieces from the picture. Time to take out the trash I would say...hahaha

You have the street cleaned up, and find a better way of getting trash collected from the rear of the building. The beggars and hawkers are moved on by your security personnel. Prashant the bugger is fired. The ladies start to love your store again.

©Naughty Productions 2010

The Power of Deduction : Observation Pt 2

While we strive to be as objective as possible, the way a thing appears is always affected by the position from which we view it (experience can be very useful at this point). To alleviate this flaw, we must try and observe situations and problems from as many different angles as possible. So, if you have a theory about a situation, I suggest you make a few more theories and then...choose the best one...follow your intuition because its usually correct!

True observation can only occur through a certain amount of self-annihilation! In other words, “you” have to shut up! You need to get yourself completely out of the way so that you can perceive clearly. So get quiet. Get still. Look and see what is there. Then move. Take up another position. Look again and again. Remember...there's always something to observe! I would say that I'm a careful person, I double check everything that I theorize about someone twice before I make my conclusion. As you progress, all this processes will take no more than 30 to 60 seconds!

By observing, "YOU" are learning! When you see with fresh eyes, unclouded by what you think you know, your powers of observation become like that of a wild animal. You are far more alert. Your vision is sharper. There is no interference. The “walk-around” trance of listening to the incessant prattle (endless babbling) of your mind is at once burst like a bubble. Think of it like as if your subconcious mind is trying to communicate with you. If you are able to "talk" to your mind you will be very much stronger...try it!

End of Observation...Have Fun!!

©Naughty Productions 2010

The Power of Deduction : Observation Pt 1

"Holmes, you see everything." Watson said.
"I see no more than you, but I have trained myself to notice what I see." Sherlock Holmes


Observation





Whenever you are faced with any new situation or problem, you must first observe it. Observation requires patience of course as well as detachment. Think of one of those beautiful, intense glares from Sherlock Holmes as he pans a room taking in every detail (especially the tiniest little detail). If you are emotionally involved your observation you will be clouded by your emotional being.




You must become as detached as possible. Just allow what is there to present itself to you. Open up your senses. Really listen, let the sounds impact upon you. Notice the smells. And look with the eyes of a hawk. Sharp. Precise. Missing nothing. Be alert to every movement, every clue, anything that is out of the ordinary.



"...go everywhere, see everything, overhear everyone.".

If you are emotionally reacting to a problem, you have already prejudged the problem. You have narrowed your mind by defining the problem as “bad”. Pretend you know nothing at this point. You do not know whether the problem is good or bad. For every problem carries its own story and and awaits its observer to interpret it. Simply observe…simple! For example if you are trying to understand someone...whether you knew them or not, I suggest you do not judge them base on facial value as it will definitely make you bias towards them.



"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." - Sherlock Holmes

End of part 1 :p

©Naughty Productions 2010

How To Spot Potential Manipulators?

Here are – in a very generalized way – some signs indicating that you could be dealing with a manipulator...remember people these are all universal techniques!

They Don't Respect Your 'NO!'

Many manipulators just won’t accept a 'no'. They’ll still try to convince you, win you over, intimidate or seduce you into doing it. This can be done in a very charming way, in an authoritarian way, in a teary way, in a cool way, or whatever other way. The fact remains that they are in truth... by not respecting your 'no'.This should make your alarm bells ring (Ding-Dong!). Always pay attention when someone refuses to hear no. Big red flag.

They Don't Respect Your Will

Same as with a no but applicable to all kinds of other decisions as well. If someone does not accept your decisions, perk up your ears. Smelly orc in sight. Unless of course you suck and they are trying to help!

They Don't Respect Your Personal Space

This can happen on different levels: on the physical level... (they come too close or they systematically imitate your posture), on the intellectual level... (they either try to make you change your mind in a pushy way or adopt your every opinion as theirs), on the emotional level... (they stick to you or always imitate your feelings), etc. This is no proof for manipulation but in my experience, people who disrespect other people’s personal boundaries also often tend to use manipulation to get what they want. But keep in mind that this point is only applicable to amateur manipulators! Experts know exactly what to do without making you feel uncomfortable.

They Make You Feel Uncomfortable

Manipulative people often make us feel uncomfortable “for no reason”. Might seem irrational to you, but trust your intuition. Your gut knows. Your work is to listen to these feelings instead of discarding them if they’re not rational. Again...this is only applicable to amateurs!

They Are Never Straightforward

While trying to manipulate you, of course manipulative people aren’t being straightforward! That’s how manipulation works. But in my experience they also tend not to be very straightforward people in a more general way. For example, when they express themselves, this could happen in an indirect way, like saying “It’s getting late” instead of “Time for you to go”. There’s nothing bad with being polite and subtle – just pay attention and check out if that’s a recurrent pattern in this person’s general communication style.

Do they make indirect suggestions instead of clearly asking for what they want? (”This box is so heavy!” instead of “Would you please help me carry this box?”) Do they state their opinions in a direct way, or using allusions and hints? (”Do you want to come shopping clothes with me some day?” instead of “Your clothes look lame.”) Do they express their feelings openly, or do they give you cryptic cues and expect you to get it? When you ask how they are, do they say “I’m okay” but look like they’re attending a funeral, or do they say “I’m sad”?

All this in itself is no manipulation of course. It’s just a sign that this person could be prone to using an over-average amount of manipulation in their communication.

*Expert manipulators can be a very straightforward person too...that's why in my opinion, manipulators = bullies.

We’ll talk about how to defend yourself when confronted to manipulators in one of my next posts =)

Courtesy of Ariff

©Naughty Productions 2009

Manipulation, Manipulators and The Manipulated (Intro)

Manipulation is crown jewel of communication techniques. What manipulators have in common is that they have a hidden agenda that they pursue without clearly saying it. Many people use manipulation to get what they want. Nevertheless, it can be very difficult to defend oneself against it, or even to recognize it. Its like checkmate in chess terms.

So chances are good that you do have contact with manipulators (or are one yourself) since there are many of them around us. Using it for good or bad, that's their problem.

What is Manipulation?

Manipulation can take many forms: emotional blackmail (making you feel bad in case you don’t do what is expected from you), flattering you or telling your things in order to make you do something specific, testing you, etc. In all cases, manipulators try to gain control over your feelings and/or behavior by playing in some way on your weaknesses.

The goal for them is to get what they want. When they are successful, you end up doing what they want, even if it is something you would not have chosen to do out of your free will.

For example, if you feel particularly proud and valuable when you are needed, someone knowing this can deliberately play victim in order to make you help them. If you secretly think that you are lazy and feel bad about that, and someone suggests that you’d be a lazy bum if you don’t help them move on Saturday, chances are good that you will spend your Saturday carrying transport boxes.

Manipulators do or say certain things in order to influence your feelings in such a way that you react the way they want you to react. The manipulator usually says things in an indirect and subtle way. The underlying, unspoken message, which is what they’re really telling you, is expressed between the lines, not in a clear and direct way. Manipulators don’t say what they want openly. They insinuate, suggest and hint. Many manipulators are mentalist as they are master manipulators of thoughts and behaviour.

They may look, sound or do stupid things, but everything is done to reel in the big fish-which will be you or someone else.

How Does It Work?

The Candy Method : This method flatters your ego and promises to fulfill your desires. The underlying, unspoken message is “If you do X, you’ll be great/cool/a good person/the result will be to your advantage/, etc.” So, since you want to be great, cool, a great person and all that, you do it, without even noticing that the decision wasn’t entirely yours. Ideally, the promised “reward” is something important to you. That you will get this reward isn’t said clearly though, it’s just suggested. Just enough for you to understand it. (I'm still wondering what's with the equations)

*Sorry guys and gals but unfortunately I cannot tell you more about the procedure as it is extremely dangerous if fallen into the wrong hands. But I can tell you that its called 'The Spiderweb Effect'. Maybe I should think of a way to write in a 'non-danger' manner.

How Do They Do It?**

As I said, the real message is not expressed directly. It can be camouflaged as the expression of an objective truth, a personal feeling, or a simple question. Let’s say for example that your boss wants you to work overtime, and you refuse. Manipulative answers could be :

1. “But how are we going to do without you?” (Real message: “You are letting us down, and the project might fail because of you”),
2. “I thought I could count on you” (Real message: “I am disappointed with you. You’re not a good employee.”)
3. “I understand… Go and have fun, we’ll manage somehow! (with a sad or strained look)” (Real message: “You are an egoist.”)

*On general terms..this will make you feel guilty or shameful which makes you change your mind. Unless of course you are Heartless.

Courtesy of Ariff
©Naughty Productions 2009

** Adapted from The Definitive Book of Body Language

How Men Flirt

Ok...it seems I received some complaints that its hard to understand how men flirt. (Clairy.. if you still don't understand after this...I'll show you how my self ok). Ok how does a man flirt? How would you know if he's interested? I’m sure many women out there have spent many a sleepless night over men. There are probably many other women who would love to know the answer to the questions. If there was a course on male flirting, I’m sure there would be long wait lists of women waiting to register! Lucky for you that I'm a generous guy so to say because I'm giving 'it' to you for free.

Learning to interpret a male’s subconscious body gestures can help you determine whether you’ll be getting a second date.

Male body language will also let you know when he’s not the one. If a man doesn’t display any of the following signs, you're better off moving on to the next eligible bachelor.

He'll Attempt To Improve His Appearance When Attracted.

Just like in the animal kingdom, males tend to 'preen' when they’re interested in a female. They pay extra attention to their grooming and personal appearance. (well most of them anyway except nerds, geeks and their kind)

When a man spots an interesting female, he may automatically adjust his tie, smooth his collar or brush his shoulder and also pump himself up to look more 'manly' just like a puffer fish pumping up to attract females.

Other common signs of preening involve fixing his hair or rearranging his shirt, cuff links, and clothing. He may check his teeth or automatically touch his throat.

He wants to look as good as he can before he approaches you. Therefore ladies, you should take any of the above as a very positive sign!

Signs of Dominance!

I'm positively sure you've heard the term 'Alpha Male' before. It means a man who is a strong and smart leader.

An 'Alpha Male' always dominates the rest of the pack and gains priority in mating with females (In the animalia kingdom of course!). Men do the very same thing especially in front of you!

A flirting male may place his hands on his hips to subconsciously make himself appear bigger. This gesture says “Notice me. I’m the leader and I’m ready to get involved!”...but beware this may also be a sign of hostility...so before you make a move, please look at the context of the situation that he is in. Whether he's fighting, thinking or maybe frustrated with his exam papers.

His Eye Movement Will Tell You Everything!

Eye contact is very important when you are studying how men flirt. Men who are interested will usually hold their gaze for a little longer than usual. Like looking at you in the eyes for a period of time.

Men may also perform what is called the “triangular formulation” with their eyes. This involves looking eye to eye, then down to a woman’s mouth and chin, down to the rest of her body and back up to her eyes again. It is easy for a woman to notice this since men has a smaller peripheral vision...and therefore easy to see where his eyes are looking at!

Touching...Very Naughty!!

There is important point to notice when you watch how men flirt. When a man is interested in a woman, he will often find an excuse to touch her. He may put a hand on her shoulder or knee, tickle her playfully or pat her on the back. Some men may even feel a woman’s blouse, jacket or shoulder. This will let them have some gratification! but a pat can also mean pals right? So...wait until he does it frequently with more frequency..only then you should make a judgement.

He may come up with a ridiculous excuse such as “your blouse looked so soft I just had to feel it” or " OMG!! there's an ant on your back...don't move!"

He may even “accidentally” bump into you while casually passing by. Ladies, you know better! Take this as a very positive sign that things are going well. This is his way of showing you he is attracted to you or maybe he's just a pervert trying to 'feel' you!

Men, just make sure not to grope her or get too 'NAUGHTY' in the early stages. This may lead to a drink poured over your head and your arse being whooped....by me since you are being such an arse!

What His Hands and Feet will Tell You!

If he does, what do you think it means? That’s him trying to keep his pants from falling down? Hopefully not! This gesture is a very important sign that he’s interested in you! This is a subconscious way for a man to attract members of the opposite sex by framing that particular part of his body. No ladies, we are not referring to his wallet lol! It is focusing at his 'Ding-Dong'.

When a man flirts, he will also turn his entire body towards the woman. If his legs and feet remain pointed toward you, take this as a sign he is interested.

Ladies, if you are wondering whether the cute guy you are talking with is actually interested, take another look at how he is sitting. If his body or feet are turned away from you, you might want to look elsewhere for Prince Charming!

Men will tell you all you need to know with their body language and non-verbal gestures (not verbally of course!).

Watch for the following 'flirting' gestures :

1. He focuses on improving his appearance
2. He practices signs of dominance and acts like an 'alpha male'
3. He maintains direct eye contact
4. He touches you directly or 'accidentally' (yeah right!)
5. He hooks his thumbs into his belt loops
6. His body and feet are turned towards you (look at their feet in the pic below)
   

   

Using Body Language to Deal with Difficult People

We all encounter people at some point who are just plain difficult (if you know me well enough...you'll understand). For whatever reason even seemingly for no reason at all...these difficult people come along and we have to find a way to deal with them. Body language that I have posted in this blog can be a very useful tool in this situation, both in terms of sending and receiving non-verbal cues. It can also help you diffuse difficult situations and perhaps even improve those difficult relationships over time.

What Is 'Difficult People'

It’s not possible to come up with a single definition of what makes a person 'difficult' because of the dynamic nature of human interactions. What comes across as difficult to you might come across as something entirely different to another person. It’s really all about perception and interpretation of the interaction between two or even more monkeyz , including the 'details' of a person (what they drink or what kind of woman/man they like...) body language and non-verbal messages.

In general, the people you will find most difficult are those whose attitudes, actions, non-verbal behaviours are in conflict with your own attitudes, actions, and non-verbal behaviours. This does not necessarily mean they are opposite, but may mean there are simply differences in delivery, intent, or life experience.

Let’s look at four common descriptions of people whom you might find difficult in some way:

• Those who are Dominant
• Those who are Submissive
• Those who are Angry
• Those who are confused and indecisive

Body language which I have posted can be a powerful tool when it comes time to interact with these kind of people.(If you forgot...I suggest you refresh your memory...)

Body Language When Interacting With Difficult People

Those who are dominant – Avoid body language that is directly confrontational, such as facing off against each other, extended eye contact, abrupt or aggressive gestures, or crossing personal boundaries of space (be very cautious when confronting someone from the farm!). These are only likely to make the other person feel challenged and lead to more behaviour that is dominant. This does not mean you should become submissive and give in to the dominance; rather, it means you should assert your own position in a way that is calm, rational, and confident.

Those who are submissive – Avoid body language that is overtly dominant, such as crossing into their personal space, standing over them, or otherwise taking a body position that puts them in an inferior position. A better approach is to remain assertive but not overpowering, using a neutral facial expression and open body position to encourage the other person to participate more fully. If, however, the other person is using submissive behaviour in a way that’s deliberately manipulative, don’t let yourself fall into the trap of ‘rescuing’ him or her. Maintain your sense of calm and keep your non-verbal cues neutral.

Those who are angry – Avoid body language that might aggravate the other person, such as pointing, clenching your jaw or fists, shaking your head, or the like. Most of the time the best approach is to let the person express the initial burst of anger, keeping a neutral facial expression and body position. After the initial burst, paraphrase the information you heard and work through the issue, all the while maintaining a calm and confident position. However, if at any point you feel threatened or that you might be in personal danger, you should always take immediate and appropriate action to protect yourself and maintain your personal safety.

Those who are confused or indecisive – Avoid body language that appears impatient or pushy, such as extended eye contact, leaning in close, gestures that indicate frustration, and the like. These kinds of non-verbal cues are likely to create even more confusion or indecisiveness in the other person. If you truly need to conclude the interaction, try using an open body position and hand gestures to present two or three distinct choices and then ask for a decision. However, if you find yourself in a situation where the person’s confusion or indecision presents a safety risk or other potential danger to you or anyone else, take decisive action to prevent injury or harm.

Courtesy of Ariff

© Naughty Productions

Body Language : Tips for Reading 'Her'

In response to the previous post, I've accumulated 7 ways to read a female's body language...So guys if you have been reading my posts, this will be your favourite for sure.

Want to know what she is really thinking and feeling? How to read her body language gestures to get it right? Understanding her body language has never been made easier although it may trigger 'The Naughty Alarm' but its for your own advantage.

1: Her chest : When indulging in foreplay, a pinkish flush will colour the skin of her chest (if its exposed of course...don't go and do somrthing stupid!), this is known as a “sex flush”. This occurs as a result of changes in her blood pressure and circulation, as well as her respiration and pulse rates. This is her subtle way of telling you that you could get lucky (as in 'getting' her) if you keep on with what you are doing. Another positive sign that you are doing it right is when her breasts start to enlarge. Women’s breasts will increase by as much as 25% when they are sexually aroused...so if you are hyper-observant, you can see this. But try not to get caught!

2: Her pupils : A woman’s pupils will dilate when she is stimulated by you. Subconsciously, her body is made to want to see more of whatever is pleasing her visually. To do this, her irises have to let in more light. At this point she is also starting to look hotter to you as well, as research has shown that guys are more attracted to girls with larger pupils. A win-win situation!

3: Her eyelashes. Look her in the eyes for a minute. She should be blinking about 15 times per minute. Research has shown that the you look in her eyes, the more likely you'll get a second or third date!

4: Her fingernails : Body-focused repetitive behaviours such as nail biting and cuticle picking are strong signs of anxiety or depression in women but not as much as men. Try not to nag her to stop; this can just make it worse. Try taking her hand, gently squeeze or massage it, and then keep holding it. You should be able to feel the tension leave her hand.

5: The Hair Flick : When a woman starts playing with her hair she is sending strong sexual body language signals that she is available. Stroking her hair is a good sign, but the best of the lot is the hair flick. This is said to be the surest signal that she is sexually attracted to you.

6: Her Neck: Stroking her neck or playing with her necklace are also very strong flirting body language signs, By doing these things she is drawing attention to her breasts. Throats and necks are lover’s only zones, and if she is also arching her neck the signal is even stronger.

7: Her Mouth: When a woman starts to think sexual thoughts, she touches her mouth. Licking her lips, sucking on the straw or spoon suggestively, and sticking things in her mouth are all indicators that she could be up for it. Eating, drinking, and smoking faster are also great body language gestures indicative of erotic thoughts.

Girls...if you are reading this, please don't think that you can control it...because you can't. Neither the boys!

Adapted and modified from The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Written by your buddy Ariff with appreciation to Allan and Barbara Pease.

©Naughty Productions

Flirting Tips : For Men pt.1

Every guy needs some flirting tips whether you/we/they like it or not. You wouldn’t be looking at this post if you weren’t interested. So do yourself a favour and read it properly.


Known or Unknown

Flirting will either take place with someone you already know or with someone you’ve never met before. Both situations have their pros and cons. It’s quite common for a friendship to suddenly go sexual or naughty and it is also just as likely that you’ll meet someone at 9.00pm in a nightclub and be in bed with them by 1.00am. Sometimes people you know will start flirting to test the water and sometimes people you don’t know will flirt with you just to check that they’re still attractive(I have personally seen or heard this before) . When it comes to flirting and body language it’s a game with some very complex rules but here’s equation (again) :-

– you don’t play = you can’t win.

If you already know someone …

There are advantages and disadvantages of flirting with people that you already know. The key to the success of your flirting often depends on what the other person secretly thinks about you.... *We know this guy that has been feeling the hots for a woman since they were at school together. One day she looked over at this guy and a 'switch' flipped in her head and she started broadcasting to him. He responded and they got married a little while ago. What triggered her to suddenly find him attractive?... Well he’d just turned 35 and had decided to join one of those clubs where you do “stand-up” comedy. Turns out he was good at it. Suddenly she saw him in a whole new way.
When we already know somebody, we risk losing whatever relationship we have with that person if we switch tracks. Naturally, people are reluctant to lose what they already have.

The key to attracting and flirting with somebody that you already know is to change the way they see you. This can require dramatic action (dramatic as in being very animatic). Say you’ve been as boring and inactive like a couch potato for ten years and suddenly take up sky diving then you’ll certainly get peoples attention! A positive aspect of flirting with somebody that you already know is that you probably have established a degree of trust (read previous entry for more info) with that person. This makes your efforts seem more sincere and effortless (if you are persistent of course..)

If it’s a stranger …

On the whole we would say that it is easier to flirt with a stranger than with a friend. Strangers have to judge you on first impressions and how you project yourself. You are a blank canvass that can be painted in the colours most suitable to the occasion. In short, you have the luxury of re-inventing yourself (learn from people's history if you can). On the downside, there is probably very little trust.

* This story I recap from my friend's story...summarized of course! I'm not insane you know.

Part two will be posted soon...so hang on!


Thanks to Sarah (not real name) for letting me post your story

Written with courtesy from your buddy Ariff

© Naughty Productions

Persuade Someone In 4 Steps

Now there are five that you should know if you want to persuade someone. But first, of course you need to build your character first before you can persuade so I'll count it as step 1.

*Step 1 : Building Rapport

Mirror Their Body Language/Chameleon Effect(read previous entry if you don't get it)

• Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.
• Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk.
• Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly
• Shrugs: If they shrug, you should shrug instantly
• Head Nods: Instantly

*Reminder: they will not pay attention to their involuntary body movements. So don't be afraid to get caught.

Match Their Voice Tonality (again if you don't understand this...please read previous entry)

• Accents: Copy their accent(if you can) as closely as possible. You don’t want to come across as mocking them, but make an attempt as it will make a world of difference.
• Emphasize: Usually, people emphasize certain words during a conversation so be sure to catch on quickly and do the same.
• Pronunciation: Most people pronounce words in a certain way, (Tam-at-toe / Tom-a-toe)
• Breathe: During the conversation, breathe like they breathe. This will create a hypnotic synchronization. (this works...please don't doubt)

Match their Rate of Speech

• Fast: If they talk fast, then you talk fast.
• Slow: If they talk slow, then you talk slow.

Step 2 : Ask A Question

• Sometimes to make people talk, you have to make them open themselves up to you. The easiest way to do this is to ask them a question. As you ask questions, people will definitely spill their beans about their 'needs' and 'wants'. Also, many people do what’s called a 'Freudian Slip', which means to accidentally say something they had on their mind out loud. This can give you excellent personal information to work with.

Step 3 : Talk About Their Interest

• If a person doesn’t trust you, there is no way they’ll buy from you. Once you hear some trigger words, use them as leverage to continue a conversation purely about their interest. For example, like if you hear that they like dogs, get into a conversation about dogs. Yes it’s that simple!

Step 4 : Get them Excited

• Now you want to work on getting them excited. The psychology behind what you are doing here is simple. You are setting yourself up for a ‘close’ by getting them into a ‘Trusting You’ state of mind. For example, people usually don’t buy something when they don't believe in its service.

After you have done this few steps...they will not be able to resist you! I'll post a more advanced move in the future...so for now...build your relationship.

Courtesy of Ariff and Aqua Elvira( for teaching)

© Naughty Productions

FlirtingTips : Women (Advanced)

The Hair Tug / Glance and Look Down / Knee point

Chest Out / Show Skin A Bit / Tilt and Smile

Glance and Look Down : This is the “killer” flirting signal. You’ve made eye contact with that guy who's “scanning” and who you’d like to approach you. You give him a hint of a mischievous smile, an interested glance, and then look down (Not away). Gracely adjust your posture so that you’re pointing towards him. Slightly arch your back so you emphasize your chest. Don’t over do it or you’ll seem awkward and, dare we say it, desperate.

Three Strikes and Out : Quite often your first flirting signal won’t be enough. What’s going on in the guy’s head is this. “Oh my god, she’s interested. Is she? Did I just imagine that? Oh Hell, look at all her friends watching. I’m feeling good that she’s interested but do I actually want to do this? Did I just imagine this?....This thoughts are universal and it happens all the time.

So now you have to repeat your “look” so that he gets the message that he’s not in fantasy land. If he still does nothing then you can try a third attempt. By now (within two minutes) if he’s a confident male he should be coming over to you. If he isn’t then he probably isn’t good “mate” material. In short, where flirting is concerned – it’s three strikes and out. You’ll be better off investing your interest elsewhere. One final thought in defense of the guys is this: Girls tease and practice where as most guys are for real. Girls that reject a guy often go up in the estimation of their friends (they have high standards) whereas a guy that fails always goes down in the estimation of his friends (loser). Guys have learnt that even if all the signals are “right” they can still be rejected.

The approach : So now he’s coming over to you. Your flirting has worked! He’ll probably move slowly and look for reassurance from you. At any time he can turn away and bypass you if he feels that the “feel” isn’t right. Then you blew it. If you’re with friends then they’ll have noticed your “play” and if he turns away then you lose. As he walks over you need to increase your smile and open your posture to welcome him. Both you and he know that this is literally the first step. As he nears you it is critical that you allow him some personal space. That means adjusting your posture to exclude those around you and focus on him. That is if you want this contact to work. Woman often change their minds as a man approaches and you can reject him once he’s made contact or if he is obviously not “mate” material. If you’re a woman then trust your instincts as he approaches. Watch out for weird-walks, frozen smiles, glassy eyes and guys that keep looking at their buddies. So, if you’ve changed your mind then turn away from him before he arrives and with luck he’ll get the message and won’t even try. Reminder : This is the only time where the guy is in the negative position. So, if you really like this guy, stay onto him until he is close enough to talk.

The Contact : So now you’ve made contact and you’ve decided that he’s safe and you like him enough to explore this further. He’s clearly shown his interest in you by coming over but you still need to continue radiating plenty of female flirting signals or he may lose interest and start “scanning” again. If you are genuinely attracted to the guy then many of these may come naturally. However, for lots of people the act of flirting or projecting body language sex signals does not come easily. This is something of a mystery but is true. He’s going to want to see some of the following:

1. The Hair Tug




2. The Body+ Knee Point




3. The Shoe Dangle




4. The Neck Stroke




5. The Tilt and Smile

See Pics Above:-

Courtesy of Allan and Barbara Pease and your buddy Ariff.

© Naughty Productions

Flirting Tips : For Women

Tips For Flirting:

• Be graceful and keep moving with confidence. Men are psychologically programmed to “Turn-On” on this kind of movement. That’s why strippers move the way the do and don’t do Waltz instead.
• Look healthy- Please don't ever look like a zombie when you're flirting!
• Don’t lower your chin (it makes you look scared) and definitely keep your chest out (I think you girls know why). It doesn’t seem to matter if you have small breasts – it’s the posture that counts. SO QUIT SLOUCHING!!!
• Women choose the men that they want to approach them by flirting – most of the time anyway. If you want to see which men are “looking”, then watch out for the guy who is “scanning” the place. He may be alone, with his friends or even with another woman but his eyes will periodically “sweep” the room like a radar beam. And, just like a radar beam, he is looking for a signal. Its not hard to see this if you look carefully.

So, flirting is about being noticed and that means noticeable. Now there are 6 sensible things that really make a woman "stand out" than the rest:

1. Colour - Don’t wear boring colours. The guy may not like what he sees but he will at least see you.
2. Movement - Move! Be animated. Motion attracts the eye. When people are scared and timid they freeze. This implies that you are reluctant and unready. In short, you’re a poor opportunist for his time and efforts.
3. Accessibility – The single biggest mistake that women make if they want to be approached is to appear difficult to approach. In a condition – no guy wants to try and “pick you up” while a group of your monkey-puss girlfriends watch him do his stuff. Men, on the whole, hate your girlfriends – they’re often bitchy, cruel, jealous, critical and very definitely get in the way. Where you sit, how you position yourself and what part of the environment you are in affects how accessible you are. The less accessible, the less you’ll be approached. Recognising accessibility is also a very powerful “man-thing”. Why would they want to waste their efforts on an inaccessible female? Come on girls...be smart! Boys are lazy.
4. Eye Contact – Make eye contact with the guy(s) you’re interested in. To do this you have to be prepared to look around too – just enough but not to much or every lame and hopeless guys is going to be all over you. S0, remember this equation- no eye contact = no approaches....simple but brilliant!
5. Be Different – Well, actually you should be just different enough to stand out. Just be different enough to stand out and be seen. No guy ever approached the invisible woman. Trust me I'm a guy too!
6. Skin – When it comes to flirting, there’s no substitute for showing some skin. Men love skin – especially if it is smooth and unscarred. In their testosterone driven minds the equation is simple: Nice skin = availability. At a very basic level, men are programmed to look for naked skin – generally the more the merrier!

Courtesy of Ariff and Allan Peace

© Naughty Productions

Body Language: Chameleon Effect

This is the technique of consciously using your body language to mirror the subconscious movements and gestures of others - in a way that is subtle and unnoticed at their conscious level. This body language can include gestures, vocal tones, breathing rate, posture, attentiveness and even facial-expressions. It is important that you do not “copy cat” their motions as this will quickly become noticeable. The trick is to use similar body language postures or gestures approximately ten seconds after they have. It is harder to do than it sounds and requires practice to appear casual and natural. Mirroring is an important secret because it occurs naturally when people are building a positive rapport and by deliberately doing it you can send an encouraging message that strengthens the developing relationship.

According to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) experts, this technique will build trust and liking in the person with whom you are communicating. You can apparently measure the success of your mirroring if, after a while, you introduce gestures that the other person hasn’t used and then they start to subconsciously copy you. It is at this point you can express your own desires and intentions with the greatest likelihood of the other person being agreeable. Both conscious and subconscious mirroring is most often seen in romantic and business situations where the relationship that is being established is fundamental to the success of the endeavour.

(Ariff's Footnote: I decided to test this technique first to see if it really worked. I used it in several social situations and deliberately mirrored the actions of people I had just met (I did this during the first few days in A-levels class). In all cases the communication flowed easily and a positive rapport was established. In an equal number of instances I deliberately, but with subtlety, tried to use posture and gestures that were the opposite of those that our test subjects had just used. In all cases the communication was uncomfortable and in four out of five cases the person with whom I was communicating with left as soon as they could do so. I realize that our own autosuggestion may have influenced the outcome of the test but it was interesting and seemed to indicate that mirroring does have a definite effect.)

Courtesy of Ariff and Aquizam

© Naughty Productions

Body Language: Your Voice

Many of you monkeys Don't realize that your voice is one of the most important tools in body language. Your voice by itself could make the listener feel confident or bad impression of you. More people will love you if you have good speech patterns...this goes to all men and women. For example, a high squeaky voice like a mouse can indicate anxiety and does not inspire confidence(unless its natural). A low voice indicates low stress and confidence. Something you should always watch for is how people react when you are speaking to them. Are they intent on what you say or do their eyes get 'glassy' and do they yawn?

Here are some rules that you may want to use to ensure good communication with others:

• A low and slow voice commands attention and respect more than a fast squeaky voice. An evening of low and slow talk is an aphrodisiac.
• Fast speech with sloppy pronunciation implies poor education and 'low class'.
• Good pronunciation requires slightly slower speech but implies intelligence, education and 'high class'. It attracts people you will love being around.
• Self-negating statements (Like: "I can never remember things like that.") cause the listener to lose confidence in you. People don't want to be around a loser.
• A good vocabulary implies intelligence, education, and high class. Make them carry a dictionary!
• Listening is more important than actually speaking. You will learn more! Practice being a good attentive listener and people will say you are a brilliant conversationalist.

Here are some rules that especially apply when you are flirting: This goes to everyone...

• When you agree with what he/she says, give a little head nod and a verbal 'uh huh'. He/she will sense your interest and really appreciate that.
• Watch the speaker's head movements. When speakers expect you to reply, they will unconsciously move their head slightly to indicate that it is your turn to speak. Also there will be a rise in the speaker's voice pitch. A similar rise also comes at the end of questions. You will show respect, and be appreciated, when you watch for a head movement and slight rise in pitch before you respond. Don't start talking before you get the signal he or she is done speaking!
• When you speak, let your voice roll out under control, confident and relaxed. This attracts people who will admire you.
• When replying to another speaker, respond with a positive and supportive statement to what they just said. "Yes, I like bananas, too!" This attracts people who will appreciate and admire you.
• Validate them and their ideas - even if you don't agree. If you strongly disagree, move on to another subject. You can't change them and no need to lose a friend here.
• When another speaker drops his or her voice at the end of a statement they are pretty well satisfied with what they said and ready to let it go. Don't you keep harping on that subject.
• If a speaker holds their voice constant pitch at the end of a statement (eyes and hands stay as they are) they have more to say on that subject. Stand by, listen, and wait for more! Don't jump in on top of their words with your own comments until they are done speaking.
• When you do speak, talk slowly and confidently. This will give you a little more time to form better responses and to say each word more precisely. This will improve your image as an educated, intelligent, and confident person. (You really are a masterwork in progress.)

Now This Is For The Guys...Sorry Gals But Its True....:

A deep voice indicates high testosterone level. To 'score' with a chick, try to be relaxed and deepen your voice so your testosterone level is evident to the females. Once you got this right, the female's DNA programming will without doubt...unconsciously make her more attracted to you. Take this as a good 'turn on'.

Trust me I use it all the time to guys and gals...this does not mean I'm gay!..its to guys its good for dominance and to ladies..its a matter of closing in the gap between them.

Hints for everyone:

• Keep your statements short. Give the other person a chance to reply and you won't be a bore.
• Minimize 'I' and 'you'. Use 'we', 'our', and 'us' abundantly in your discussions. Form a team right away.
• Use plenty of facial expressions and hand gestures. Show that you are 'alive'. Let your 'kid' come out and have fun with the discussion.
• Don't use a lot of these 'fillers' in your statements such as, "You know?" or "You know what I mean?". They don't know what you mean until you say it clearly!
• Speak loud enough to be heard, especially in noisy environments and to older people. (It is OK to flirt with older people. Charity work is good karma.)
• You may use laughter as punctuation to your statements but use it by itself and not when you are still saying the words. That is, don't mix the two so that the words are lost. Every word is a jewel so don't hide or lose any.
• Do let your sense of humor shine and make it fun for people to be with you. Life is short so make it fun for them and yourself.

Courtesy of Ariff